Ever have one of those moments when you wish you could take it all back and start over? I did tonight. My son had a play date and became very ungrateful when the play date was over. We asked him to clean up the minimal mess they had made and the fight was on -- back talk, screaming, you name it. I took this as him being ungrateful and disrespectful, as I was willing to give up over 4 hours of my day so he could have a buddy over. I wish I knew how to deal with these situations better. I let my hurt get in the way of what is right. I have a hard time dealing with the fact that my son does not understand me, nor does he want to hear what I have to say when I try to calmly explain. I really still after all this have a hard time believing that he really has Asperger's syndrome and sees things from a different perspective not to mention from the perspective of a child.
Oh, the guilt and regret that I feel is so painful. It wells up in my throat and numbs my mind. I give it to God, but I always take it back. So, I pray for wisdom, patience, joy, slow to anger, pease, you know all the fruits of the spirit and He is showing me these things and growing me in these areas I guess just not fast enough for me. I do trust that He is in control and knows what is best for all of us and one day we will know the reasons for the hurtful lessons of life.
Lately I am relying on one of his greatest promises -- "Joy comes in the morning!"
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