8/17/09 Thoughts -- Catching Up

Wow, I haven't blogged for a while. I've actually come up with several topics I wanted to get off my chest but have forgotten most of them now.

The Demo Derby at the Tongie Fair
Well on Saturday, 8/15/09, I awoke with a crazy idea. How about we all go to the Demolition Derby. I've always wanted to take my son, but it just seems we're always doing something else or forget that the fair is in town. This year we went!! We decided to make it a surprise for our son. So, about an hour before we left I fed him a good, "stick to your ribs" dinner and told him to change so we could get going. (He's had a thing about clothes and changing, etc., so we had a huge ordeal over that -- "Why?", "I don't like that!", "I hate you", "I hate my clothes", blah, blah, blah). It began to rain on our way, and I was tempted to throw in the towel especially after the tantrum about the clothes, but I did not -- I was determined to have fun for a change. When we got to the fairgrounds it was raining hard so we sat in the car for a while (our son still did not know why we were there).

Finally, we get out and walk toward the fair and we tell him why we are there -- he's a bit excited. The real excitement came when we walked past the pits. We walked all around the fenced in pit area, but since hubby hasn't worked for 2 weeks decided we couldn't afford to go in. Our son couldn't understand this at all and kept demanding access to the pits at $15 a piece.

To redirect perseveration, kill some time and get out of the rain, we mozied to the animal barns where our son held his nose the entire time and complained endlessly even though he was enjoying it. (Why must the child always complain and demand? It is so tiresome). I think the chickens were his fave -- oh wait -- it was the pooping cow that got him interested.

Finally it was time to get in live and buy our tickets!!! We had to wait for quite a while, but it was worth it. As the cars rolled into the derby a tear came to my eye -- I don't know if it was the rumbling of the engines or being back in my hometown or what, but I was so overcome with joy. I know that sounds so crazy and redneck, but it happened. Then the countdown and the crashing!!! I was elated and my son was too!!!!!!! Finally, something we both could get excited about and relate to! Oh how long I've waited for a connection something that just the two of us could share. We chatted back and forth the entire derby about the cars and why and look at that and cheering at the cool crashes. Oh, it felt so good to connect even for that short amount of time. I never want to forget that feeling. I did have to endure the "I want's" all evening and explain they "why you can'ts", but it was worth it. He chattered endlessly all through the race and all the way home. My husband was irritated at us, but he endured it thankfully.

I guess the point to this story, not only to document it for my memory, but to say that when you think all is lost God will throw something that seems utterly meaningless into our laps and make it precious and powerful. Thank you Lord.


Gratefullness or Lack Thereoff
Our son seems to be falling into a state of ungratefullness (which I could also call bratty and spoiled). He seems to think he is owed certain things even though he has not done anything to earn or deserve them. This all started with school shopping -- we decided to let him pick his clothes since he's become very picky about them lately. We figured if he picked them he'd wear them. We explained in advance that we had a budget since daddy is laid off and he'd have choices from what he picked. Mistake -- he, of course, wanted them all and couldn't leave the store wihout all of them. Then on to another store, more of the same. Then shoe shopping, more of the same, except he wanted steel toed boots instead of tennis shoes which we explained was not possible. Well then he didn't want any shoes at all. Scream, cuss, yell -- silently, of course. Then he "wanted" to go out to eat, to get ice cream, to get another shirt, etc. He "I wanted" us to death -- I mean really to death. When we got home I sat on the couch until it was time for bed that's how worn out I was. The thing that sticks to me the most is that he never said thank you for what he got or even that he got it cause we really didn't have the money. When I got to thinking about it he's been doing that all summer long. The moral to this story is to give it to God quickly and not let things fester.

However, I did and am letting it fester still even today. No thank you's for the special Sunday breakfast, the zoo, coco key, the pool, oceans of fun, the demo derby, for not beating him to death for saying "I want" 10,000 times, the "this", the "that". I don't know how this started -- he's really always been polite and we always (well almost always) thank him and each other for things.

I often wonder if it's because they don't make the kids say "sorry" or "thank you" at school. Yes, when a child hits, bullies, smarts off or does anything wrong they are not required to own up to it and apologize for it. This makes no sense to me -- if I ever figure out the logic behind this I'll be sure to document it. The other thing I wonder is that sense of entitlement a trait of autism or asperger's, just modern society, too much Disney channel, or have we really spoiled him that much? I don't feel like he's spoiled. When I see other kids and what they have and get I feel like our son is actually deprived.

We are not real sure what to do about this other than continueing to set an example and cueing him, but I need to get it out of my head so I can move on.