Yesterday evening my son had a headache. I took it for what it was and gave him a cold rag and told him that the best thing for a headache was a nap. He woke up from his nap still complaining of a headache (there is a point to all these boring details I promise). I fed him and gave him fluids thinking he may be a bit dehydrated as it was hot. I had given him the last of the Children's Tylenol that morning and not replaced it so I called the nurse line for advice as to weather I could give him 1/2 an Aleve (the answer was no). I then went to check on him and he was complaining of being dizzy so I took his temp -- it was 102.4. Momma freaked a bit inside at that number. I asked him if he felt like he could go to the drug store for meds and he said he could not. He had a cool rag on his head, but I went to get a cool rag for his body and an ice pack. I called his dad and told him to stop and get the meds on his way home.
So, for the hour in between I sat with my child, placing cool rags on his head, holding him and stroking his back while watching him come in and out of sleep. I took his temp about every 15 minutes to see that it did not go up (luckily it went down a bit). While I did this I was touched. I could see my sweet little one and the loving gestures that are so few and far between being genuinly appreciated. Why are these loving gestures so few and far between? The behaviors and the behavior plans get in the way and build resentment, confusion and avoidance. The shaky balance we strive for is so easily tipped to one side and it's hard to get back up once you've been tipped over. I prayed over my child for healing, for God to give us one more chance, because at the time it seemed that after so many dramatic things happening that maybe God was trying to get our attention -- duh. I realized in those moments that if I lost this child I would no longer be able to go on -- I needed to make things right with my child to get back up on the balance beam and walk it. I prayed and cried and cried and prayed. I stared at my child and renewed his beauty in my mind; refreshed his true spirit in my heart (who my child truly is -- not what ASD complicates).
Not long before the meds arrived my son awoke for a moment. I gave him a choice "Would you like mommy to stay with you or leave you alone so you can get some rest?" He chose for me to leave and my heart broke -- he either didn't need me anymore or he didn't want me anymore. I don't know if I ever want to know why he made that choice as the latter would hurt so bad. I complied and left him alone to rest.
I went back to cleaning the kitchen floor and luckily not long after the meds arrived. I gave him his dose and sat with him for a little while and returned to my tasks.
While doing my bible study I was riddled with fear that maybe this fever was an infection caused by the cut he'd gotten on his foot in Omaha so I got back on the phone to the nurse line. She did not think they were related and my mind was put at ease. I think I am gun shy with this kid because every time I think it's nothing it's usually something much bigger than I'd ever dreamed (our son has a way of overreacting to the small things and not reacting at all to the big ones). After this call I was able to go to bed.
Not long after being in bed my husband wakes me up saying Dylan is in his room calling for you and scratching at his bed. I rushed down to him. He was obviously hallucinating and in sheer terror (this has happen before with pain meds and its also happen with prozac). I laid down with him, held him and comforted him until he was calm. Then I asked him if he was going to be OK, took his temp and went back to my bed.
This morning I woke up thanking God that the fever had broken and I still had another chance with my child to make it right. If you can't tell, I still have a ton of guilt and self blame for my sons behaviors.
Today my son was an absolutely wonderful child all day -- very helpful, polite, willing and kind. I am grateful for this day and pray for many more just like it. I wonder if my som realized that mommy really does still care and love him dearly.
I always remember Dr. Phil saying that children need a soft place to fall. And sometimes when dealing with ASD children the soft place is not there enough because we're always worried about dealing with a behavior the right way or on guard for any triggers. In a way his illness last night helped us to relax and not worry about ASD for just the right amount of time.
Thank you for the lesson Lord. And, thank you Lord for making it an easy lesson. I pray that I can take this lesson with me in day-to-day life from now on and leave with you the sadness and self-blame that ASD brings.
One more prayer request. Please keep Dylan safe at the water park tomorrow! We've not had the best of luck this year and he is actually afraid to go after being hurt at 2 this year. Give him good judgement and common sense as he plays and enjoys his day Lord. Thank you. Amen.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
7/23/09 Thoughts
The week has been a roller coaster. My son has mastered the fine art of back talk. This, according to the therapist, is his new way to get my attention -- it works. You gotta hand it to the kid he's smart. This morning he demanded an omlet. Well, mommy doesn't know how to make an omlet (I am am a little dangerous in the kitchen not to mention I hate cooking) so I offered scrambled or fried, cereal or toast. Still he demanded an omlet. Well, then the boy will go hungry till lunch. After a bit more of his perseverance and disrespect he calmly asked for cereal. Victory is mine!
After talking to a friend today, I "re" realized that I'm not alone in this. My son isn't the only child on the planet that refuses to tie his shoes, properly bathe himself, or has to be reminded every day to do his chores and what his chores are (which by the way are minimal and mostly basic hygene). Every parent of an ASD child needs these gentle reminders every so often. I tend to put the blame on myself and I would guess other parents do as well. And when I'm not putting the blame on me I tend to put it on my husband. In reality it's not our fault. We are doing the best we can and after many a trial and error have realized there is no magic bullet to fix this.
After a meeting today, I am slowly but surely learning the art of creative state funding for therapies. Some folks actually get funding for therapy and don't use it -- and the government allows for this in their budget. While folks who really want to utilize it for good sit on waiting lists for years -- hmm.
We had a boys party last night. I am insane, but the guest list included my son with asperger's, a boy with ADHD and a boy allergic to grass and a "normal" functioning boy. What was I thinking!!! It actually went really well though. I was so proud of my son -- he did so well and had so much fun. And, the fun is really all that matters. A couple of the boys did not get along so well, but luckily before it got to bloody one of the moms arrived.
I am realizing behavior therapists are a rare breed. They actually get excited about tantrums and trigger behaviors -- I find this interesting and to be honest disturbing. I prefer the happy, content, compliant child myself (the grass is always greener on the other side). I am very thankful for our therapist -- she's awesome and is slowly becoming a part of the family and a wonderful friend. They have a hard job but the payoff is huge. Imagine seeing a family come full circle from nearly torn apart to happily functioning or maybe (this is a very hopeful maybe) normal. Boy do I long for the days when I thought everything was OK.
The therapist keeps wanting us to utilize respite care. I am leery to do this for some reason. I see the value in some much needed alone time with my husband, but I have a hard time with letting a strange, yet well trained, man take my son to the park or whatever. I need to pray about this. And, it seems every time we do get a break something comes up that we don't get to spend any time together anyway. Like tonight, grandma took our son for an overnight, and my husband ended up sick and our big plans (which weren't really so big) were squashed a bit. I do however feel a huge weight lifted when our son is gone and it's nice to sleep peacefully and not have to worry about what I am going to do to entertain my son all day or if he's going to tantrum.
After talking to a friend today, I "re" realized that I'm not alone in this. My son isn't the only child on the planet that refuses to tie his shoes, properly bathe himself, or has to be reminded every day to do his chores and what his chores are (which by the way are minimal and mostly basic hygene). Every parent of an ASD child needs these gentle reminders every so often. I tend to put the blame on myself and I would guess other parents do as well. And when I'm not putting the blame on me I tend to put it on my husband. In reality it's not our fault. We are doing the best we can and after many a trial and error have realized there is no magic bullet to fix this.
After a meeting today, I am slowly but surely learning the art of creative state funding for therapies. Some folks actually get funding for therapy and don't use it -- and the government allows for this in their budget. While folks who really want to utilize it for good sit on waiting lists for years -- hmm.
We had a boys party last night. I am insane, but the guest list included my son with asperger's, a boy with ADHD and a boy allergic to grass and a "normal" functioning boy. What was I thinking!!! It actually went really well though. I was so proud of my son -- he did so well and had so much fun. And, the fun is really all that matters. A couple of the boys did not get along so well, but luckily before it got to bloody one of the moms arrived.
I am realizing behavior therapists are a rare breed. They actually get excited about tantrums and trigger behaviors -- I find this interesting and to be honest disturbing. I prefer the happy, content, compliant child myself (the grass is always greener on the other side). I am very thankful for our therapist -- she's awesome and is slowly becoming a part of the family and a wonderful friend. They have a hard job but the payoff is huge. Imagine seeing a family come full circle from nearly torn apart to happily functioning or maybe (this is a very hopeful maybe) normal. Boy do I long for the days when I thought everything was OK.
The therapist keeps wanting us to utilize respite care. I am leery to do this for some reason. I see the value in some much needed alone time with my husband, but I have a hard time with letting a strange, yet well trained, man take my son to the park or whatever. I need to pray about this. And, it seems every time we do get a break something comes up that we don't get to spend any time together anyway. Like tonight, grandma took our son for an overnight, and my husband ended up sick and our big plans (which weren't really so big) were squashed a bit. I do however feel a huge weight lifted when our son is gone and it's nice to sleep peacefully and not have to worry about what I am going to do to entertain my son all day or if he's going to tantrum.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Omaha Zoo/Coco Key Family Weekend
The Omaha Zoo coupled with the Coco Key Waterpark is definately a worthy place to take an active young boy. We were up early and going non-stop except to eat from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. We were so tired that we skipped the Imax movie thinking that it would be a waste of money -- we all thought we might fall asleep.
We arrived Friday about 7:30 pm and hit the waterpark, then the hotel pool, then off to bed. But, Dylan did not want to sleep. Our first meltdown of the weekend. Dad handled this one -- it was not pretty. I pretended to be asleep (as if anyone in the hotel could sleep through that kind of screaming). What a will that child has.
Unbeknownst to us the former dweller of our hotel room had set the alarm for like 5 am. After laying in bed for another hour trying to fall asleep gave up, got up and took a shower and planned the day. I woke everyone else up at 7 am to get dressed, we went to eat and went to the zoo. It worked out perfectly, we got there right after it opened.
The zoo was pretty empty to start with we saw the Cat's, Bears, the list goes on. It was incredible. The thing that sticks out about Saturday was the gorilla exhibit. This gorilla actually came up to our son, stared him down eye-to-ey for a while, did his King Kong thing and kicked the glass. I don't know what that was about, but I'm hoping it was a show of dominance by the gorilla and I'm hoping our son learned a little something from it -- if nothing else too fear the gorilla. Our son was really not effected by this at all -- I expected a freak out, but thankfully no. We watched some gorillas and monkeys play together -- it was so hilarious.
We rode the sky tram which I thought would be fun. Oh was I wrong -- something about not being enclosed in midair nearly elicited an anxiety attack.
The Desert Dome was awesome (and getting there put an end to the perseverating that had been going on all morning by our son about going to the desert dome). They had authentic sand. We were all entranced by the experience. The nighttime, underground part of the desert dome was equipped with an experience of the senses for us humans, many nocturnal animals, a cave, and a swamp with real crocs (dad's fav). The swamp was by far the creepiest with its music and crickets and the looming danger of crocs under fence.
Then the train ride. I'm sure there was more that we saw Sat., but I have forgotten already.
We left for our hotel and some much deserved dinner. We seemed to have a ton of trouble with our child at mealtime. He acted up at breakfast, lunch and dinner. We finally told him to act as if he were with his grandma while we were eating out -- didn't help but at least we planted the idea.
After dinner we were off to Coco Key Waterpark. I rode the waterslides with my son -- they were fun. There was one that was dark, no lights, can't see what's coming -- you get the idea. My don was scared to death, and don't tell him but so was I. I sucked it up for his benefit though. Then we told dad that he had to go down it -- it was the coolest. You get the idea -- he was not pleased with our small fib. Needless to say we did not visit the dark waterslide again, but we rode the heck out of the light one.
After the waterslide fun wore off my son decided to play somewhere else. So the adults sat in the spa for a while -- about 5 minutes. Then it was off to watch over our pride and joy, i.e., yell at him to stop running (we remember the concussion and ER trip from an Oceans of Fun accident a couple weeks ago, but evidently he did not). Dad had to get onto the boy many times to no avail, but he didn't have it in him to make him leave the park like he had threatened. Dad getting onto the boy spurred the boy to yell back at him and one of the things he said was "Dad, I'm not a baby anymore -- I know how to be careful -- I don't need you to tell me everything!" This is the same child who a few days ago wanted his mommy to get him a shovel out of the shed because he was afraid a spider or wasp might get him. Well, guess what about 5 min after dad gave up our son got hurt and had to go to first aid. He scraped a bolt and tore the skin off his heal -- nearly needed stitches, but thankfully did not. We did have to leave the park though (hopefully the boy learned his lesson the hard way). The manager was nice and gave up a card to play in the arcade for free the rest of the night -- what a guy! So that's what we did (I snuck out about 1/2 hr before close though). Evidently our son was NASCAR racing an older lady who lives about 5 minutes from us and my hubby said she was awesome and had done some racing in real life -- a super challenge for our son.
Our plan for Sunday was to get up and go the same time and hit all the other cool exhibits that were too busy Sat afternoon. And, that's what we did same arguments by our son a breakfast too.
The first stop was the Aquarium. Oh what a wonderful thing. Sharks and sting rays swimming all around you. Beautiful colors, coral, fish of all kind. The jellyfish were very cool, very relaxing to watch -- like a psychodelic thing. Oh and the penguins all types of penguins. It was at the aquarium that I took the best pic of the trip, as voted by the family. This fish was so ugly it was cute and I caught it at just the right time.
On to the Butterfly and Bug exhibit. Oh my how peaceful! This by far was my fav. The flowers and the hundreds of butterflies. I just can't explain it.
On to the Lied Jungle -- lots of monkeys here. The baby and mom monkey captivated me. It was so interesting to see the families of monkeys interact. I beleive, a lesson from the Lord on mothering. I was trying and trying to get a good picture of them, but the Lord wouldn't have it -- He wanted me to stop, watch and learn. We also saw fish that were longer than I am tall.
Then to the Wild Kingdom. Not too cool for mom and dad, but the kid seemed to like it. Of course -- they had a jeep he could get into and steer.
Back to the Desert Dome Nighttime Exhibit. Dad wanted to see this again so we did. We raced through to the crocs. Then we were done -- we discussed an IMAX but decided we were all too tired and would probably just fall asleep.
Off to the car for the trip home. Our son downed about a dozen 100 cal snacks and fell asleep. We stopped to see the windmills, which may have been the highlight of the trip for my husband.
At home we wearily returned to our routine and went to be very early. A good time was had by all. All of the incidents were minor and the fun was major!
This blog is about Asperger's so here we go. Our plan for this weekend was to not make it about what our son wanted which is why we let the perseveration go on for so long. I don't know if this is true of all Asperger's kids, but our son thinks the world revolves around him and we all exist to please him and appease his every whim. We decided that we were doing what we wanted, when we wanted and if that's what he wanted then it just worked out that way otherwise he was out of luck. So, that's what we did -- I couldn't tell if it was a success or failure. We also decided that nothing would be purchased for him, as this tends to be a problem -- he thinks he has to have something not because it's useful or fun to play with, but just to have it. My husband nearly caved on this but I got to him first. And, I am oh so happy about the I'm not a baby anymore statement. I for one am letting him do for himself as much as possible -- he loves to play helpless or scared -- I'm not falling for it anymore. As I have always said, I think he's just smarter than me.
We arrived Friday about 7:30 pm and hit the waterpark, then the hotel pool, then off to bed. But, Dylan did not want to sleep. Our first meltdown of the weekend. Dad handled this one -- it was not pretty. I pretended to be asleep (as if anyone in the hotel could sleep through that kind of screaming). What a will that child has.
Unbeknownst to us the former dweller of our hotel room had set the alarm for like 5 am. After laying in bed for another hour trying to fall asleep gave up, got up and took a shower and planned the day. I woke everyone else up at 7 am to get dressed, we went to eat and went to the zoo. It worked out perfectly, we got there right after it opened.
The zoo was pretty empty to start with we saw the Cat's, Bears, the list goes on. It was incredible. The thing that sticks out about Saturday was the gorilla exhibit. This gorilla actually came up to our son, stared him down eye-to-ey for a while, did his King Kong thing and kicked the glass. I don't know what that was about, but I'm hoping it was a show of dominance by the gorilla and I'm hoping our son learned a little something from it -- if nothing else too fear the gorilla. Our son was really not effected by this at all -- I expected a freak out, but thankfully no. We watched some gorillas and monkeys play together -- it was so hilarious.
We rode the sky tram which I thought would be fun. Oh was I wrong -- something about not being enclosed in midair nearly elicited an anxiety attack.
The Desert Dome was awesome (and getting there put an end to the perseverating that had been going on all morning by our son about going to the desert dome). They had authentic sand. We were all entranced by the experience. The nighttime, underground part of the desert dome was equipped with an experience of the senses for us humans, many nocturnal animals, a cave, and a swamp with real crocs (dad's fav). The swamp was by far the creepiest with its music and crickets and the looming danger of crocs under fence.
Then the train ride. I'm sure there was more that we saw Sat., but I have forgotten already.
We left for our hotel and some much deserved dinner. We seemed to have a ton of trouble with our child at mealtime. He acted up at breakfast, lunch and dinner. We finally told him to act as if he were with his grandma while we were eating out -- didn't help but at least we planted the idea.
After dinner we were off to Coco Key Waterpark. I rode the waterslides with my son -- they were fun. There was one that was dark, no lights, can't see what's coming -- you get the idea. My don was scared to death, and don't tell him but so was I. I sucked it up for his benefit though. Then we told dad that he had to go down it -- it was the coolest. You get the idea -- he was not pleased with our small fib. Needless to say we did not visit the dark waterslide again, but we rode the heck out of the light one.
After the waterslide fun wore off my son decided to play somewhere else. So the adults sat in the spa for a while -- about 5 minutes. Then it was off to watch over our pride and joy, i.e., yell at him to stop running (we remember the concussion and ER trip from an Oceans of Fun accident a couple weeks ago, but evidently he did not). Dad had to get onto the boy many times to no avail, but he didn't have it in him to make him leave the park like he had threatened. Dad getting onto the boy spurred the boy to yell back at him and one of the things he said was "Dad, I'm not a baby anymore -- I know how to be careful -- I don't need you to tell me everything!" This is the same child who a few days ago wanted his mommy to get him a shovel out of the shed because he was afraid a spider or wasp might get him. Well, guess what about 5 min after dad gave up our son got hurt and had to go to first aid. He scraped a bolt and tore the skin off his heal -- nearly needed stitches, but thankfully did not. We did have to leave the park though (hopefully the boy learned his lesson the hard way). The manager was nice and gave up a card to play in the arcade for free the rest of the night -- what a guy! So that's what we did (I snuck out about 1/2 hr before close though). Evidently our son was NASCAR racing an older lady who lives about 5 minutes from us and my hubby said she was awesome and had done some racing in real life -- a super challenge for our son.
Our plan for Sunday was to get up and go the same time and hit all the other cool exhibits that were too busy Sat afternoon. And, that's what we did same arguments by our son a breakfast too.
The first stop was the Aquarium. Oh what a wonderful thing. Sharks and sting rays swimming all around you. Beautiful colors, coral, fish of all kind. The jellyfish were very cool, very relaxing to watch -- like a psychodelic thing. Oh and the penguins all types of penguins. It was at the aquarium that I took the best pic of the trip, as voted by the family. This fish was so ugly it was cute and I caught it at just the right time.
On to the Butterfly and Bug exhibit. Oh my how peaceful! This by far was my fav. The flowers and the hundreds of butterflies. I just can't explain it.
On to the Lied Jungle -- lots of monkeys here. The baby and mom monkey captivated me. It was so interesting to see the families of monkeys interact. I beleive, a lesson from the Lord on mothering. I was trying and trying to get a good picture of them, but the Lord wouldn't have it -- He wanted me to stop, watch and learn. We also saw fish that were longer than I am tall.
Then to the Wild Kingdom. Not too cool for mom and dad, but the kid seemed to like it. Of course -- they had a jeep he could get into and steer.
Back to the Desert Dome Nighttime Exhibit. Dad wanted to see this again so we did. We raced through to the crocs. Then we were done -- we discussed an IMAX but decided we were all too tired and would probably just fall asleep.
Off to the car for the trip home. Our son downed about a dozen 100 cal snacks and fell asleep. We stopped to see the windmills, which may have been the highlight of the trip for my husband.
At home we wearily returned to our routine and went to be very early. A good time was had by all. All of the incidents were minor and the fun was major!
This blog is about Asperger's so here we go. Our plan for this weekend was to not make it about what our son wanted which is why we let the perseveration go on for so long. I don't know if this is true of all Asperger's kids, but our son thinks the world revolves around him and we all exist to please him and appease his every whim. We decided that we were doing what we wanted, when we wanted and if that's what he wanted then it just worked out that way otherwise he was out of luck. So, that's what we did -- I couldn't tell if it was a success or failure. We also decided that nothing would be purchased for him, as this tends to be a problem -- he thinks he has to have something not because it's useful or fun to play with, but just to have it. My husband nearly caved on this but I got to him first. And, I am oh so happy about the I'm not a baby anymore statement. I for one am letting him do for himself as much as possible -- he loves to play helpless or scared -- I'm not falling for it anymore. As I have always said, I think he's just smarter than me.
Friday, July 17, 2009
7/17/09 Thoughts
Another couple days gone by and the roller coaster has leveled out a bit thankfully. My son is still unable to accept responsibility for his actions by working off the debt. We don't really know what to do. Parents of normal functioning children have lended their advice; however, those tactics have all been tried and failed in the past when things like this have happen.
My son has spent the last couple of days drawing and playing with his town. He was gently reminded yesterday that I had a list of jobs for him to do to work off the door and his response was -- Don't start talking about that it will make me mad and I'll break something else. I ignored his response and fnished my calm statement and left him be -- in the long run it's got to be him that wants to make things right I can't make him make things right, but he'll not get an allowance until it's paid for. I commenced to my chores in utter dissappointment and it occurred to me that he needs to know I'm disappointed in his unwillingness so I did and that's that. I told him I wouldn't mention another word about it and I haven't.
Don't get me wrong, I have not been focused on this incident with him for the last 3 days and shoving guilt down his throat -- I have just been mulling it around in my head and purging my thoughts and feelings about it in the blog. We have been going about our normal routine.
I must change the subject and say that God has truly blessed me with the most wonderful mother in the world! Oh the wisdom she imparts and the wonderful example she has set as a mother and a Christian.
The phone keeps ringing so that's it for now.
My son has spent the last couple of days drawing and playing with his town. He was gently reminded yesterday that I had a list of jobs for him to do to work off the door and his response was -- Don't start talking about that it will make me mad and I'll break something else. I ignored his response and fnished my calm statement and left him be -- in the long run it's got to be him that wants to make things right I can't make him make things right, but he'll not get an allowance until it's paid for. I commenced to my chores in utter dissappointment and it occurred to me that he needs to know I'm disappointed in his unwillingness so I did and that's that. I told him I wouldn't mention another word about it and I haven't.
Don't get me wrong, I have not been focused on this incident with him for the last 3 days and shoving guilt down his throat -- I have just been mulling it around in my head and purging my thoughts and feelings about it in the blog. We have been going about our normal routine.
I must change the subject and say that God has truly blessed me with the most wonderful mother in the world! Oh the wisdom she imparts and the wonderful example she has set as a mother and a Christian.
The phone keeps ringing so that's it for now.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
7/15/09 Thoughts
Another day another afternoon of meltdown -- more broken things and more bruises for me. While we were installing our door at midnight last night we decided our son should work off his debt to pay for the back door by doing chores at an hourly rate until it is paid for. When I sat him down to explain this afternoon it was met with a huge tantrum and resistance. In the meantime I had to cancel a play date as per our behavior plan rules and you guessed it another meltdown. I have figured out that my son will use guilt to win a battle. He has a very slick way of making us feel like we are at fault. I really don't know what parent would just forget about a second broken door (maybe our mistake was letting him off easy for the first one), but that's what my son expected was for us to just forget about it. What get's me is that he still hasn't shown any remorse for the whole thing or apologized in any way. He doesn't even seem to understand what he did was wrong. I wonder if he really can't see the wrong in it. I know that if I had done that same thing I would have had to pay for it via work and deducted allowances, be grounded and probably got a good lecture. My husband says when he did it he received a spanking for each dollar it cost to replace it. I know for a fact I would have felt terrible and done everything in my power to make it right -- my son doesn't seem to care.
I am nearly ready to put him into day camp and be let someone else deal with him -- who knows maybe he'll be happier there. Maybe it is just me. Oops there I go again. The therapist keeps telling me I'm doing all the right things and it's not me it's him and he is responsible for his actions, which is true, but I still can't let go of the fact that I am the parent and it's my responsibility to raise a moral and respectful citizen.
On a happier note he is making friends and seems to be playing nicely with other kids for the most part. This is a huge step -- he used to be so afraid of other kids. Some parents of ASD kids are elated when there kids speak for the first time or tell them they love them or look them in the eye -- my elation comes when I see my child happily playing with other kids and enjoying life as it should be -- just having fun with no therapists, psychiatrists or docters involved! That will bring a tear of joy to my eye every time.
I hope that in a month or a year from now I'll be able to look back on these things and see the lesson in it that God is trying to teach -- I have a feeling I know what it is right now, but maybe I am just too stubborn to get it. All I know is there is a reason and things do get better as time goes on. I am to a point now where I am willing to let my son make his own mistakes -- I've finally figured out he doesn't listen to my warnings or guidance anyway.
I am nearly ready to put him into day camp and be let someone else deal with him -- who knows maybe he'll be happier there. Maybe it is just me. Oops there I go again. The therapist keeps telling me I'm doing all the right things and it's not me it's him and he is responsible for his actions, which is true, but I still can't let go of the fact that I am the parent and it's my responsibility to raise a moral and respectful citizen.
On a happier note he is making friends and seems to be playing nicely with other kids for the most part. This is a huge step -- he used to be so afraid of other kids. Some parents of ASD kids are elated when there kids speak for the first time or tell them they love them or look them in the eye -- my elation comes when I see my child happily playing with other kids and enjoying life as it should be -- just having fun with no therapists, psychiatrists or docters involved! That will bring a tear of joy to my eye every time.
I hope that in a month or a year from now I'll be able to look back on these things and see the lesson in it that God is trying to teach -- I have a feeling I know what it is right now, but maybe I am just too stubborn to get it. All I know is there is a reason and things do get better as time goes on. I am to a point now where I am willing to let my son make his own mistakes -- I've finally figured out he doesn't listen to my warnings or guidance anyway.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
7/14/09 Thoughts
I have wanted to blog about our families journey with Asperger's for a long time. And, it seems today is the day. Through this blog I hope to purge some long festering issues, help others understand what a family with a child diagnosed with Asperger's may be going through, and to make others in a similar situation aware that they are not alone. So here we go...
Today, our in-home behavior therapist came over to observe a typical day between mom and son. It started out OK, I was cleaning out the car and he was helping (helping is a rarity so I was pleased). My son soon tired of helping and migrated toward the therapist. She, being here only to observe, ingnored and redirected his attention. After many attempts to redirect a stick hit the windshield of the car while I was in it, followed by a bout of screaming, yelling, and name calling. The therapist took off her observation hat quickly. To make an hour long story short, he ended up breaking the screen door and the door glass. He was sent to his room to regain calm, again, and jumped out of his window. He was corralled back into his room to calm down for what seemed like the 20th time (but more like the 5th). He did finally stay in his room and regain composure and told he could come out of his room when ready. When he did come out he took a seat near me and the therapist -- we were all quiet for a minute. What broke the silence was this wonderfully innocent comment "Mom, there weren't very many June bugs this year". Tears poured out as I looked away so he couldn't see me and I responded as best I could "Well, maybe that's because it's July." I'm crying writing about it. It's rare that I see these glimpses of my sweet boy and when I do it just overwhelms me. I have to maintain a very strong sense of control in myself when I'm with him that I sometimes forget who we really are in our heart and we are wonderful.
My son's high need for attention is the majority of our problems -- he needs attention the way he wants it, when he wants it, and how he wants it nearly 12 hours a day or he's not happy. Let me tell you -- this is an impossible task. It kills me that I can't connect with my son and give him contentment. It kills me that he would rather spend time with anyone but me or his dad. But, if you look at the facts the reason he wants to be with those other people is because he's getting the attention he so desires. I asked the therapist if I wasn't doing enough or too much or if maybe I should just hand him over to someone else who could give him a better life -- she assures me I am doing a fine job. I wish I could believe her. Over the course of the blog I hope I can begin to see through my writing that I am doing the best I can. I don't ignore my child -- I actually do quite a bit with him, but it's never enough for him. He hates me and complains about all the opportunities I provide like play dates, games, park, pool, structured play, crafts, soccer, books, movies, vacations, outtings with grandparents, the list goes on and nothing is good enough. Now I am just rambling so that's my post for today. Just let it be known that I truly love my son and desperately wish I could find that connection with him. Now I am off to Home Depot to replace our second broken glass for the year. Oh yeah, not only does the medical profession love the bank they make from Asperger's kids so does Home Depot.
Today, our in-home behavior therapist came over to observe a typical day between mom and son. It started out OK, I was cleaning out the car and he was helping (helping is a rarity so I was pleased). My son soon tired of helping and migrated toward the therapist. She, being here only to observe, ingnored and redirected his attention. After many attempts to redirect a stick hit the windshield of the car while I was in it, followed by a bout of screaming, yelling, and name calling. The therapist took off her observation hat quickly. To make an hour long story short, he ended up breaking the screen door and the door glass. He was sent to his room to regain calm, again, and jumped out of his window. He was corralled back into his room to calm down for what seemed like the 20th time (but more like the 5th). He did finally stay in his room and regain composure and told he could come out of his room when ready. When he did come out he took a seat near me and the therapist -- we were all quiet for a minute. What broke the silence was this wonderfully innocent comment "Mom, there weren't very many June bugs this year". Tears poured out as I looked away so he couldn't see me and I responded as best I could "Well, maybe that's because it's July." I'm crying writing about it. It's rare that I see these glimpses of my sweet boy and when I do it just overwhelms me. I have to maintain a very strong sense of control in myself when I'm with him that I sometimes forget who we really are in our heart and we are wonderful.
My son's high need for attention is the majority of our problems -- he needs attention the way he wants it, when he wants it, and how he wants it nearly 12 hours a day or he's not happy. Let me tell you -- this is an impossible task. It kills me that I can't connect with my son and give him contentment. It kills me that he would rather spend time with anyone but me or his dad. But, if you look at the facts the reason he wants to be with those other people is because he's getting the attention he so desires. I asked the therapist if I wasn't doing enough or too much or if maybe I should just hand him over to someone else who could give him a better life -- she assures me I am doing a fine job. I wish I could believe her. Over the course of the blog I hope I can begin to see through my writing that I am doing the best I can. I don't ignore my child -- I actually do quite a bit with him, but it's never enough for him. He hates me and complains about all the opportunities I provide like play dates, games, park, pool, structured play, crafts, soccer, books, movies, vacations, outtings with grandparents, the list goes on and nothing is good enough. Now I am just rambling so that's my post for today. Just let it be known that I truly love my son and desperately wish I could find that connection with him. Now I am off to Home Depot to replace our second broken glass for the year. Oh yeah, not only does the medical profession love the bank they make from Asperger's kids so does Home Depot.
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